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Remembrance

Remembrance

How is a life remembered? Which stories seal our fate? I forget more stories than I care to admit. The more time that passes, the more stories accumulate, making more for me to forget. Which shall I memorialize? Which should I tell you? Do I recall the ones where I am the hero who saves the day? The half-truths that will win me accolades, praise I’ll wish I deserved? Or, do I go with the truth? Dare I share the flawed, imperfect actions behind my best of intentions? Do I let the one about that night slip? The fragrant, spring night when you crawled off the bed and fell on your head? Or the one where I may have broken… READ MORE

Connect 2

Connect 2

I believe that God is the connective tissue between people, the ephemeral energy that makes us want to do better, be better, make the world better. I long to be a child of God to live up to his definition. I want God to give me the strength to do so generally and to fulfill the promise I made to a soul whose demons took him away too soon.  I am not as efficient as I was pre-pandemic. Self-flagellation may build upper body strength, but it is exhausting. I am tired. But there is so much to do. So many “should’ves”” could’ves”, “would’ves” … they swirl into nightmares creating a vortex of not enough that threatens to consume my ego… READ MORE

Sex In the Afternoon

Sex In the Afternoon

My parents belonged to a generation that didn’t see the need to analyze and understand their union. They were a unit and I made three. I am part of a different generation. “You’re seeing the pediatrician on Tuesday,” I explain to my 12-year-old while discussing the week ahead to the soothing soundtrack of rain. “Oh, yeah, don’t I need that vaccine you’re supposed to get at 13 and then again during  high school?” “That’s the HPV vaccine. I think that you get that next time….” Thank heavens doctors keep careful records about which jab is administered when. I could never keep this acronym heavy aspect of childcare straight. “The HPV vaccine protects girls from cervical cancer,” I explain as the… READ MORE

COVID Tree: Part 2 The Tree

COVID Tree: Part 2 The Tree

No one has talked tree since Turkey Day. But the calendar has turned to December so a tree we must buy. I pine for the smell of pine. I miss the imperfect bit of nature, imperfectly grown and decorate that lights up a corner of our family room – and our family. “Where is the best place to buy a Christmas Tree?” I type into Google. I order a six-foot tree that will be picked out by strangers and delivered on Monday. Plastic is not our future – using plastic to procure pine, that’s the answer. This year, I’ve got it – I smile as the sun sets – wait, the sun is setting…. it’s time to light the menorah.… READ MORE

COVID Tree: Part 1 Thanksgiving

COVID Tree: Part  1 Thanksgiving

COVID coping mechanisms are copious chez moi. Compulsive cleaning is among the more productive of our pandemic proclivities – one that has revealed actual floor space in our basement. But it is space that reopens an old wound. “Do not even think of asking me to put that monstrosity together,” my husband admonishes, pointing his finger at six large, lumpy burgundy bags strewn across the floor. Sometimes we look for plastic perfection to lighten up the long dark days of winter. Sometimes this is a mistake. A mistake in six plastic parts. Plus, a base upon which the contents of said six bags are assembled. Let me explain. Back in 2018 we were still recovering from  a particularly harrowing trip… READ MORE

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