Bar Fret

I am ‘a woman of a certain age’ and weight with a plain wardrobe and minimal makeup. This makes me invisible to servers at many hot, medium and even cold ‘spots’. The places people go to be seen – or at the very least served.  This is sad – and not for me.  Because in addition to the girth I’ve gained over the years I’ve also garnered something else… and I’m not talking about wisdom here. I’m talking cash – of the disposable kind. Cash I can use to tip – or not – those who work in the service industry… and who pay a lot of attention to those waif-like young things dressed all in black. Those lovely lasses who work in trendy trades … fashion, marketing, publicity (back in my day this list included publishing… but alas that industry doesn’t hire much lately) all of which pay poorly.  Sure, they’re here to impress, but it’s not you, Mr. or Ms. Waiter. It’s the asshole who belittles you because he can – and because his dick is likely small – whose attention that they seek.

I was young.  Once. I wore black dresses and sought to impress. Then I got better gigs and found that I was more comfortable in lower heels and dresses in varied hues. Besides, those men of a certain type never found me desirable anyway – but the wait staff did attend and were tipped well as a result.

So, next time you see me – an unfuckable, invisible ‘woman of a certain age’ — sitting alone with her thoughts or maybe an iPhone, book or magazine don’t avert her gaze. Get her a damned drink! Fast! And, make it a strong one we tip extra for that – and double if you serve it with a smile.