Category Archives: Fretless Foibles

The space in between inaction and action, the breaks between the actions once begun. I stare. The dreaded “To Do list”. The numbers to be called, emails to be answered. The mundane minutia that  bookends my every day. Insidious in its omnipresence, my notes guilting me for inadequate effort. I yearn for ‘elseness’. Something else….

I believe that God is the connective tissue between people, the ephemeral energy that makes us want to do better, be better, make the world better. I long to be a child of God to live up to his definition. I want God to give me the strength to do so generally and to fulfill…

I talk. A lot. I can talk to a tree. But I do listen. That’s why I write.  To prove that I do hear the other side of the pas de deux of conversation. It may seem that because my lips flap so much of the time that I don’t.  That I’m too busy trying…

Must there be takers for us to be givers?  Can one pitch without a catcher? Throw a pass without a receiver to aim toward? Can we give for giving’s sake? What if I give in a take-less world – would anyone hear my effort? The blank page is a taker – a bottomless well of…

I am not a huge fan of body art. As gravity takes its toll, I fear that a picture or phrase that starts in my upper arm would, over time, flow southward into a pileup of flesh by my wrist. I’ve worn temporary tattoos for occasions — only to find that the manufacturer and I…

I saw a woman I’m friendly with at the neighborhood Ralphs’. “Hi” “Hi” “How are you” “Fine,” she ended our conversation and each of us went on our way. She’s not fine. ‘Okay’ is but a momentary state of her current existence. I know. I don’t know if she knows I know. She was widowed…

There is something of inexplicable value in knowing why. As in “Why he did it.” A belief that a lesson can be learned, a preventative measure taken against the next time. Because we know, with the certainty the sun will rise in the East there will be a next time. We know the who, what…

I will not watch the news today. I will not listen to the radio. I am battening down the hatches of my heart against the onslaught of new information.  There is nothing I can learn that makes mass murder make sense.  Yet, the facts seep in through the news alerts on my phone.  The usual…

This dream of flesh is a nightmare at times.  There is so much required to maintain it – the cleaning and feeding, the exercise and preening.  The judgements of it made by me – who finds it always lacking – and of others who always seem to find something nice to say about it when…

I love words. Big words. Little words.  Words like nomenclature – such a divine word and so hard to work into conversation without sounding forced, pompous or erudite-adjacent.  Nomenclature is like the treasured friend you don’t see too often because your lives have diverged. Succulent. My mouth moistens in delight as it forms the word….

I have tripped over paint – I swear it was really thick – and have only owned a handful of high heeled shoes as walking agilely atop them has always been out of my reach.  Graceful of body I am not. Never have been – and now have a disease that assures I never will…

A recent poll indicated that a majority of people would prefer Hillary Clinton as president, but would rather watch Donald Trump on television for four years. WTF? How can a man who was once relegated to the entertainment section by The Huffington Post be a joke no more? How can he be so close to…

Most human characteristics are a double-edged word.  Take ferocity. My daughter is fierce – which is good. It should serve her well in this wacky world of ours. But, it can be bad – I worry that her Fierceness may be the death of me while she seeks to establish her individuality.  Then, there’s compulsion….

I believe in the great American Novel – and I believe I have to write one. Or at least try my tortured best to do so. I believe in showing up and being present when I do. I believe that when I hate things— people and/or places— that it is for a reason … and…

I am ‘a woman of a certain age’ and weight with a plain wardrobe and minimal makeup. This makes me invisible to servers at many hot, medium and even cold ‘spots’. The places people go to be seen – or at the very least served.  This is sad – and not for me.  Because in…

I write because it is one of the few things I do well.  I’ve written for indifferent and crazy bosses – sometimes simultaneously, often consecutively. I’ve written anonymously for friends for whom a blank computer screen elicits an almost phobic response.  I’ve written for myself when I’m all yelled out but still filled with rage…

After our son’s morning soccer game, my husband and I were reading while our tired tyke was immersed in his Lego world. Our daughter was on the Third Street Promenade with our nanny. For once, we were enjoying a serene Saturday which I was confident would cure the cold that had moved from my nose to my chest…

Just before our summer vacation I was on an ‘anti vanity’ kick’. It started when I cut my own hair — which I wrote about here [Facebook August 18th post] – and included foregoing manicures, pedicures, and all makeup except under eye cover.  Since I’m no beauty, and not at my ideal weight, I reasoned that it was…

“Do my arms look toned?” I asked my beloved over a late night dinner on a recent Saturday. “Not particularly,” he replied – reminding me that honesty is not always the kindest policy. “Do they look flabby?” I dared follow up. “No, they don’t.” ‘Phew,’ I sighed.“As you get older, you don’t want to be…

A good bowel movement is great start to any day.  However, spending most of the evening on the porcelain throne makes for a less than royal 24 hours. A colonoscopy is not merely a procedure – it requires preparation… and not just the ‘don’t eat or drink starting at midnight before we knock your ass…

When I read the news of someone’s death, I look at their age and think of how old my children would be if I shuffled off this mortal coil at the deceased’s age. Yes, I read obituaries – regularly, in fact — and, having lost my father at 12, worry that I will scar my…

We have two dogs – Bruno, who my husband rescued from the pound several years ago – and a puppy, Frida, who is also a German Shepherd mix. Frida was named by the Westside German Shepherd Rescue, the group from which we adopted her.  We named Bruno ourselves.  Together, we think that they sound like…

I have a pair of cuticle clippers in the car and I’ve been known to tame an errant hangnail at a stoplight.  I like my Arnold Palmer’s with 1/3 lemonade, not the half that most restaurants try to serve.  And, I hate it when I’ve gotten the ratio right – even if the AP has…

“Beauty Contests are stupid,” my daughter said, in response to my cheer upon hearing that Univision had ditched the Miss Universe pageant, and that, in response to Donald Trump’s “thoughtful commentary” about immigrants crossing our Southern border.  “Everyone is beautiful in his own way,” she said, completing her thought.  Gee, maybe she does hear what…

“I have 309 Twitter followers,” I said, happy that I’d broken 299 where I’d hovered for oh so long. “329?” My daughter asked. “No, 309.” I responded. “That stinks. Celebrities have millions. And, there is a dog on Instagram that has 2,000,” my daughter informed me as she walked away to shower. That is one…

I am a disaster. I am sitting in the car I hate outside a stranger’s house on the verge of being late for a writing workshop. Somewhere, amidst the sandy detritus from yesterday’s beach visit, there is a veneer that fell from the empty prescription bottle into which I had stuffed it so that I…

I suffer from several, self-diagnosed maladies. In addition to No-a-ti-tis, I am afflicted with Ritus-Challengius (R-C), which is characterized by a neurotic avoidance of rituals and ceremonies where I am the center of attention. I’m also directionally dysfunctional, but that is fodder for another post… now where was I? I’m comfortable speaking publicly, happy to mingle and munch at other…

In my defense, I’d like to say that most of the time I’m good crazy.  But in the days just before my 50th birthday I may, may have yelled, “Don’t do anything for my birthday,” to my husband, loudly… and out of the blue … but only once. I found myself staring at my forehead…

When it’s just my son and I, we have a win-win formula for a pleasant ride to school or camp; I get to listen to NPR if he gets to play with my iPhone.  When my daughter is with us and he gets to play MInecraft on my oft-fought-over phone, then she gets to chose…

  My daughter’s two friends were struggling to get into the back seat of my Chevy Malibu, so I got out of the car to help my daughter move her seat forward. Thump. “I think I’ve got it, mom” Thump. “Okay, maybe not,” she said, as all three girls started laughing. After we did move…

I am an angry and cranky bitch ALL THE DAMN TIME. And sometimes, I can’t hide my inner shrew and her voice bursts through – which angers others, making me even bitchier in response to their anger at me.  I’m trapped in a closed loop of Grr…. I’d like a vacation from myself but since I’m stuck with…

I’m taking my fretting freelance and offering you the chance to outsource your worries to me – via the Palisades News. I worry about every aspect of life – and now I can fret about your fears too— real, imagined, and those specific to our little slice of heaven—in hopes that if I worry for you,…

“Self” I said, “You should get out more.” So, on Tuesday night I went to a press event at a local restaurant. I am on a lot of press lists because in a previous writer-ly life I edited and wrote for a local website. I was unceremoniously merged out of that job and so am not naming names lest…

When I was working on my 50 Fret, my writing teacher – the gifted nurturer Bruce Gelfand – told me that I couldn’t talk about the vagina enough.  So, originally I was going to fret about yet another indignity of aging – southern sweating… it’s not just my tummy that perspires… and the sympathy I suddenly feel with ‘manspreaders’ ……

In my youth, when I imagined myself at 50, I thought I’d be a svelte, chic entertainment heavyweight with two or three thriving, academic-athletic fantasy children who would be close in age and in spirit. Well… I’m a heavyweight all right – ‘fat but fit’ still means wearing double-digit-sized-lululemons.  As for the rest of that…

There is moisture caught between my iPhone and its case. This is a crisis – it has caused my beloved device to hibernate.  I am depressed by how depressed my lack of a functional iPhone makes me.   Every few minutes I try to slide it back to life.  Each swipe fails.  It rings, but I…

There is a school of thought that believes that if they worry about something enough that this will ensure negative events will not occur.  Fretting prophylactically to avoid bad things – that’s my cup of tea… as long as it doesn’t runneth over into general anxiety. Yes, you should worry about the amount you worry because neurosis…

If one takes the highroad and the other person who, in one’s mind is now walking a lowly path, does it have any affect if the other person doesn’t know that you are on the high horse and they are amongst the dung?  Seriously, isn’t doing the right thing in a vacuum like the sound of…

NO-A-TI-TIS (noun). Noatitis is the inability to decline those lovely folks who ask ‘one’ to volunteer time and treasure for worthy causes.  The malady is characterized by a severe swelling of the throat when trying to utter the word ‘no’ to a righteous cause even though one should refuse. I am afflicted with Noatitis, which explains why I…

I’m a severe asthmatic.  In my youth – back in the Dinosaur Age of the 1970s – the standard wisdom was to limit physical activity, lest we turn blue from the exertion and end up in the Emergency Room.  This, coupled with my lack of coordination –I have to admit that my husband is accurate when he swears…

This is an old headshot, taken to promote the one hit I managed to produce in documentary film, “Waco: The Rules of Engagement” [I still swear the other films were as good, by the way].  I’m using it still because; 1. I’m lazy and cheap; time and expense for another headshot? Nope. 2. I don’t look this…

Parents always claim to worry about our children’s happiness – but is this really a concern?  Or, do parents have to pretend that we actually care about our progeny’s pleasure while we push them to pursue what we think is best for them?  What if my kids are happy getting B’s throughout school and opting out of college?…