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Category: Tween Troubles

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Crazy?!

Crazy?!

I am losing my mind. Am I’m losing it to my Parkinson’s Disease?  To age? To maladies yet to be diagnosed? I stare into space, trying desperately to remember what was right there, right there, on the tip of my tongue just moments ago. Then it hits me: I have children. It’s not the Parkinson’s Disease.  Nor age, nor my blessedly over-committed life. No, it’s those plotting little hellions, the Teen and Tween, who separately and together are intent on exacting my mother’s revenge. It’s my hell spawn who are driving me bonkers. Their ability to jump up and down on my very last nerve is masterful. If only they would channel this genius to their studies, they’d be the… READ MORE

It Takes a Coven

It Takes a Coven

It’s said that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is a definition of insanity. But it’s also widely acknowledged that, because randomness makes children feel unsafe, routine is essential to the task of parenting. And, naturally, it’s not a routine unless it’s repeated. Regularly. I routinely ask – nay, beg – my children to clean up after themselves, wear sunblock, brush their teeth, hair, sometimes the dog. I regularly remind them, ever so gently of course, to complete, double check, maybe even attempt the extra credit work on their assignments. I ask them to organize their rooms, their homework sometimes even their thoughts. And each time, I hope against hope that one or both… READ MORE

Flu Fret

Flu Fret

“If you’ve got your health, you’ve got everything.” Well, then, I am lacking. I am afflicted. But so are many. My conditions are my constant companions. They’ll shuffle along this mortal coil with me for as long as I shuffle along upon it.  But there is a gift in my conditional state: my chronic ailments fortify me against the indignities of aging. When I was a child–back in the dinosaur age–there was a limited artillery in the asthma fighting arsenal. Compromised since my first wheezy breath, I was a Marax kid. (Marax shouldn’t ring a bell with many – it’s no longer manufactured in the USA because Ephedra, since banned, was an integral part of the formula.) I was a… READ MORE

Trait Fret: Part 1

Trait Fret: Part 1

The ‘must do’ nature of homework sometimes gives us strong-willed sorts pause. If it’s too easy, e.g. Spanish, it’s a waste of time. Too challenging, a longer essay, say, in English… possibly with the Odyssey as its subject… well, then the Frustration Monster and her bestie, Anxiety, rear their raging, irrational heads. “You’re not helping. You’re making this harder!” There are few creatures who can cut through one’s self esteem more deftly than a teenage girl.  “Let’s try to break this down and…” “Mom, stop. Please.” “I’m just trying to help.” “Well, you’re not. Please go.” “it’s late – you need your sleep…” “LEAVE!” She banishes me from her room. But not before I offer up my oh, so helpful… READ MORE

Tardy

Tardy

“Mom, let’s go!” Let’s not. I think I’ll stay put.  I’m going to take a hard pass on greeting the day. I like my bathroom.  It’s nice in here. My lap top and phone batteries are fully charged, there are plenty of towels to cushion the stone floor.  These inanimate objects are my true friends. It’s been a rainy winter. I could take a long, guilt-free shower. Or a bath. I could stage the perfect bubble bath, place the soapy bubbles strategically, use Photoshop liberally and create a viral Instagram post. “Morning Me Time; suck it, family,” would be the pithy caption. I’ll towel off and remain locked in my cocoon. I’ll write. Maybe I’ll enjoy a complete thought, possibly… READ MORE

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